My word for 2015 was breathe. My word for 2016 was go. I did a pretty good job of making changes in 2015. I learned to breathe, cull the fat and respond instead of react. I purged my life of clutter that was making it impossible to take deep breaths. Some of those things were literal clutter like the stack of recipe books and clippings of food that I was never going to make but there was plenty of mental clutter that I learned to let go of too.
The foundation for “go” was laid. My intention for 2016 was to go. When I chose the word, I visualized moving. Moving forward toward something – a purpose yet to be discovered. I was two weeks into January when I discovered that I wouldn’t be going anywhere for some time. I was crushed by a debilitating dizziness and headache and for three weeks I couldn’t leave my bed. Simple trips to the washroom required herculean effort for they induced intense vertigo. Specialist after specialist, test after test, some rudimentary, others high tech, all came back with the same prognosis: migraine most likely brought on by exhaustion.
How could this be? Be it was. While I had spent a year looking inward learning about myself, life still chugged along at warp speed. Yes I had managed to tap the breaks but the reality was the train was still barreling along. It was going. And it would continue to go all year.
Go took on a different meaning than I had envisioned in December of 2015. It was meant to represent moving forward and being open to life revealing itself to me along the way. Go out with friends, go travel, go try!
My year didn’t unfold quite like that but as I sit here and reflect, perhaps my chosen word wasn’t such a bust after all. While I didn’t go forward in a linear direction, I did go forward – just in a cat’s cradle, topsy-turvy, scribble-y, scramble-y, sort of way. Nonetheless I can say with confidence that I can look back to where I was, so I know that I have moved forward. I learned from 2016 that going forward sometimes is measured in millimeters – and that’s enough.
My guiding word for 2017 is acceptance. It’s a hefty one. I have tossed it around for years, but have never truly felt more ready. It’s a scary word. Acceptance of others, acceptance of situations, acceptance of oneself. Easier said than done.